Have you ever felt compelled to act out a certain role that just wasn’t you in order to make a “good” first impression?
And what is a good first impression anyways? How would you even measure the success of your bright smile, poise, posture, tone, achievements, reputation, and value add all narrowed down to a connection of a handshake and a brief conversation?
Self preparation vs. self preservation of character activities may go on and on in your head until utter exhaustion.
Did you go to a top grad school? Were you at the very top of your peer group? How successful was your last project? Oh and where do you live? What’s your background? How and why are you here? Gulp. This is the toughest one for me. “How did you get here?”
So many thoughts run through our heads when we gear up for a first impression that we hope will pave the way to the promised land of a better opportunity and hopefully, a better life.
Regardless of how we feel about it, we need to make great first impressions. Much of our success depends on it.
Like many of you, I have read countless articles and books about how to make great first impressions. The ones that really stuck out for me and most people I know were based on real life stories and like the “Little Engine that Could,” they eventually got their lucky break.
It seemed when people could re(a)late (how I wish there really was an A after the E), it was much more powerful of an example to follow.
Obviously I’m focusing on the word: REAL.
Merriam Webster defines it as:
- actually existing or happening : not imaginary
- not fake, false, or artificial
- important and deserving to be regarded or treated in a serious way
I love the last line as it is most applicable to first impressions.
Now let’s have some fun and hopefully you can remember something that is simple and effective the next time you want to better your chances of making a great first impression.
R: Respectful
E: Expressive
A: Authentic
L: Leadership
Respect the person you’re speaking to. No matter who it is. People want to be respected by feeling appreciated. Show respect by what I call “soft” eye contact (I can explain this in more detail for those that would like to reach out) and doing your research ahead of time. If you want to make a great first impression there is nothing like being a cheer leader with admiration for the person you are speaking with.
Expressive. Introverts and extroverts alike. You must be expressive but on your own terms. If you like to use words to express yourself, choose them wisely and again know who you are speaking with–you don’t want to use vocabulary that is inapplicable or intimidating. For those that can’t control their hands (Lebanese, Italians, Greeks, etc. you know who you are) try to match your gestures to the points you are trying to make–use your expressive body language by matching it wisely and effectively. For example, try speaking without using your voice in the mirror to gauge how you might come across. Be careful not to confuse charisma for being expressive…introverts, that especially means you!
Authentic people are doing both themselves and others the biggest favor–they’re being honest. This doesn’t mean authentic people don’t tailor their conversations to their audience, but they come across truly sincere and that speaks volumes about character. People that portray authenticity garner respect and are often felt to be associated with being more ethical and trustworthy individuals. Authentic people also make much better leaders in their organizations. One great way to come across as authentic is to speak to a vulnerable time in your life. Vulnerability is almost a guarantee to show your human side.
Leadership in the context of first impressions is being able to stand out from the herd and the flock of sheep. One of the single most sought-after skills must be exhibited in just a few minutes or seconds. So let’s be practical and realistic. In such a short conversation how on Earth could you manage to pull that one off? Well you shouldn’t have to but you must. One of the most effective ways of doing so is finding or extracting the “me too” scenario from the conversation. “Oh you’ve worked with NGO’s? Me too! It was when I led…it was when I created…it was when I was awarded…it was when we…”
People like people like themselves and/or people they aspire to be like (Thank you Tony Robbins for teaching me that one at such an early age).
There are many many ways to make a great first impression and no one way will ever be perfect but that doesn’t mean we can’t better our chances.
Tomorrow morning, amongst the crowd of people or when you’re walking out of your house or car, hold off looking at your mobile phones and pause…
Instead, look up at the sky for a moment and reflect about what impression you’re making on yourself lately and just what kind of impression you’re going to make the next time opportunity calls for a conversation.
Good luck and remember, just be REAL!
Ramy Ballout
Entrepreneur, Business Coach